Do boys ever stop peeing everwhere?

My oldest, B, potty trained at 2 during the day pretty easily, he wasn’t happy about it, but he did it. He would hide under a table and try to poop, but I usually caught him because it was just him and me most of the time. He was a night wetter until almost 4, though.

My middle son, E, didn’t potty train freely, that’s for sure. He was a little over 2 when we introduced the idea. Funny story: the only time he would poop would be when he was butt naked standing ON TOP of the toy box in their toy room watching the neighbor dog. *eye roll* Okay, not so funny. He would always disappear when I sat to nurse his brother and I would think E was finally playing quietly, hah. Joke was on me. We finally got him using the toilet around 2.5, but he peed the bed almost every night until 3.5.

My youngest, T, basically potty trained himself. At 21 months he started telling us he had to pee and would run to the potty. It’s been so glorious not trying to convince him to use the potty the last few months. AND! He rarely wets the bed at night, which is a super bonus because he’s a nudist who refuses to wear anything to bed and usually sleeps right between my husband and I. Joke’s on me, again.

We haven’t changed diapers for a few months now, but I’m pretty sure I clean up more pee recently than I EVER have before. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PEE IN THE POTTY!?!?!

Every single time I need to use the restroom, I have to wipe the toilet seat or I’m guaranteed to get a wet butt. E is probably the messiest potty-goer ever. He refuses to hold his penis, so it kind of just does it’s own thing. Pee gets everywhere. Just…everywhere. T’s prefers the downstairs toilet, which is in the laundry room. He apparently has to watch himself pee which leads to an ark of pee all over the room, including on the washer, dryer, and the walls. I can’t do laundry without stepping in a puddle or a sticky spot.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t eager to welcome warmer weather so they can pee outside. 😂They try to pee out the doors now, but it’s winter in WNY. It’s cold, which means they end up peeing on the brand new siding, brand new doors, and all over the floor trying to hurry. Uh huh, real life.

Just the other day, T came running to the kitchen to tell Ben “Uh oh! Mess!” Ben followed him to find T stood at the top of the basement steps and peed all the way down them. Yep, true story.

Have you ever seen the commercial where 2 little boys are in the bathroom and their mom walks in and asks what they’re doing and they say “Having a distance contest!” That’s how I feel.

My sister and brother-in-law brought their girls over last weekend and the first thing they did when they got here was, of course, use both the bathrooms. I raced to the bottom of the stairs when I heard them come out profusely apologizing for the fact that my boys don’t know how to use their hoses. They’re grateful they have girls. 😳

I almost feel like I should have my husband build an outhouse for the boys to use. At least the mess would stay outside then, right? When company visits, I won’t have to go scouring the bathroom high and low looking for pee. I mean, it could be super cute and their own special potty.  Like this one. We could put it by our shed, nobody would ever know.

amy-reed-339261.jpg

Photo Cred: Amy Reed on Unsplash

All joking aside, help me. Is this just life with boys? Is it appropriate to wonder what the hell is running through their little heads!? Tell me this phase ends. Please. Tell me that when I have teenage boys they’ll at least wipe the seat after themselves. Pleaseeeee. 😂😳 

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