You know you’re a mom when…

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  • You never eat hot food.
  • ‘Don’t eat off the floor’ turns into ‘thanks for cleaning up’.
  • You warn a grown man that his coffee is hot when you hand it to him.
  • You have to smell a pair of socks to see if they’re clean.
  • You start getting everyone ready to go an hour before you have to leave in hopes of getting out the door on time.
  • You threaten that whoever pees on the toilet seat next cleans the whole bathroom every day for a week.
  • Sleeping in feels like winning the lottery.
  • You have to microwave your coffee 5 times before enjoying the full cup.
  • Wearing leggings and an over sized shirt counts as dressing up.
  • You haven’t had time to clean your house windows in 11 years.
  • You double knot your own shoes, too.
  • You STILL worry about your kids, and they’re in their thirties.
  • You have to call your husband to come home from work in a hurry because your almost 4 year old  gets stuck behind the couch and is just dangling there because he didn’t listen and couldn’t fit, and it’s a reclining couch so it’s heavier than 10 dead bodies and your pregnant ass can’t move it.
  • You wait to eat dinner or a really yummy snack until after 10pm because it means you can enjoy it in peace and not have to share.
  • You try to get your kid’s attention and you go through a whole slew of names before settling with ‘whatever your name is’.
  • You walk around Lowes with crap on your pants because your toddler has soy and dairy intolerance and ate something at dinner he shouldn’t have.
  • You use baby wipes to clean everything.
  • You get excited about buying new underwear for yourself from Walmart.
  • You have to lock the deadbolt on your main door just to take a 2 minute shower so your Houdini child(ren) doesn’t escape.
  • You can no longer watch the scary movies that you watched before you had children.
  • You’re eating alone because everyone else has finished and left the table when you are finally able to sit down to eat.
  • You pack their whole dresser for a few hour outing.
  • Your purse is full of legos and matchbox cars.
  • You can no longer pee, or uhh #2, alone.
  • It’s normal to smell another child’s butt to see if they were the ones who pooped.
  • You’re driving and belting out kids music when there are no kids in the van.
  • You have to say ‘do you want me to pull this van over!?’ before they know you mean business.
  • You hear ‘Mommmmm’ at least 10 times before you even think about responding.
  • You pawn off the next diaper change ’cause you’ve fulfilled your quota for the day.
  • You’re watching Disney movies and the kids have all gone to bed.
  • You find yourself making dinner and it’s chicken nuggets or hotdogs for the 5th time that week, but you don’t care ’cause at least they are eating something other than boogies and dirt.
  • You wonder if 10am is an appropriate time to open a bottle of wine.
  • Speaking of wine, drinking straight from the bottle counts as using a glass, right?
  • You find an old loaf of bread under your kitchen sink.
  • You walk around with pieces of their breakfast on you and you don’t realize (or care).
  • You can’t put on makeup without hearing ‘Do mine, Mommy! Do mineeee!’.
  • You go out on a date night with your husband and still call to see how your little one is doing.
  • ^Just kidding. Date night alone?
  • Mumbling ‘you shithead’ under your breath isn’t offensive anymore.
  • You carry around a first aid kit at all times. Oh, and a snack kit.
  • Showering and brushing your teeth in the same day is worthy of celebration.
  • You get a sitter for the night and you’re excited about getting groceries and going to bed early.
  • They’re eating dirt and you think ‘does that count as dinner?’.
  • You start calling your children by their first initial because yelling their name is time consuming.
  • Your kid sleeps in and you fly in like the Roadrunner to make sure they’re still breathing.
  • You hide in a closet to eat a piece of candy without having to answer a million questions.
  • You feel so much love for such tiny creatures that simply looking at them brings a tear to your eye and you feel like your heart could burst watching them achieve such incredible things.


Shout out to my mama friends for helping collaborate this You Know You’re a Mama When… masterpiece. Special thanks to Cassi from cassixmakeup! Go check her out!

How do YOU know you’re a mom?

Keep on keepin’ on, Mama’s!



16 thoughts on “You know you’re a mom when…

  1. Pingback: 15 Signs You Might Be A Mom

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